

In the end, you want your child to be able to say, “ You really listened.

What do you think of your becoming a problem-solver?.What do you need to do to avoid a conflict next time?.What voice did you use and what did you say?.Here is what you might say when your child shares her solution: If there is something you don’t understand, ask questions after she’s done speaking. It really wants to know your child’s thoughts and feelings. Good listening avoids judging or arguing. When she returns to share her solution, listen.

I hope she retains some of that moral certitude even as she learns to see shades of gray.Imagine you’re the girl’s father. She’s been learning about smog and pollution in school, and is already nagging me to get a compost bin. I see the upside to my daughter’s moral outrage, too. Hunter, whose children have moved past their intense moralistic phase, said, “I kind of miss it.” Most children grow out of this phase when they’ve had more cognitive development and life experience. Thompson recommends reminding them that they probably wouldn’t like it if their friends were telling them what to do, and saying something like, “It can be risky to be a full-time hall monitor if your goal is to make and keep friends.” In moments when children are running to tell you about every little problem, Dr. If that friend is lighting things on fire, that’s a situation where he definitely wants to tell a grown-up. Hunter gives the example of a problem at a friend’s house: If a friend broke his crayon, you can let your child know that’s something he can deal with on his own without running to an adult for help. If kids are having trouble distinguishing between big transgressions and small ones, try to run through scenarios with them. “Periodically examine whether you really do have a lot more harsh rules for your older child,” she suggested. So if one child is telling you they think your rules are not being enforced on their sibling, hear them out. At the same time, especially with siblings, always be mindful that you’re not being harder on one kid than on the other, and that your rules are fairly applied, Dr. My daughter prizes honesty to the extent that we’re still having discussions about why it’s OK to keep it to yourself when you think Mom’s shirt is hideous. She said that if you have a kid like this, it’s important to talk through instances when you’re bending your own rules based on extenuating circumstances, or protecting someone’s feelings. Thompson, a research scientist at the Center for Child and Family Well-Being at the University of Washington. “Sometimes these parents find themselves overwhelmed with their children’s concerns of rules being enforced or everyone doing the ‘right’ thing all the time,” said Stephanie F. “Ages 6 to 9 is a great window of opportunity for learning about others’ needs and desires,” Dr. For example, when my older daughter is giving her sister a hard time for not following the family rules about eating with a fork, we remind her that 4-year-olds are still learning, and that it’s our job to remind her, kindly. If your child is trying to apply a rule in situations where leniency would be more appropriate, unpack it together.
